Inspiration

I think it's pretty fair to say that the last few weeks have been challenging.  There have definitely been ups and downs that I have experienced and for some reason, it seems to rear its ugly head by my pulling away in certain areas of my life.  Unfortunately, lately that has been here in blogland.  And I really don't want to do that, you all are so very helpful and encouraging to me on a daily basis.  So my promise to myself is to be a better poster.  Plus, I still owe you all a pic of the tattoo.  It is gorgeous.  I love it.  I couldn't have imagined it coming out better.  It is on my left shoulder blade and I am so, so happy with the location.  Thank you all for your suggestions, too.  I think I ended up deciding putting it on my back because of the whole "sag" issue :P  

So, today I stumbled upon a blog that pretty much brought me to my knees.  I am completely overwhelmed by this family's story and have such respect and admiration for the strength and grace this woman has.  I definitely encourage you all to pay a visit to the site when you have a little time and can read the entire story.  The amount of belief and love she is able to give through such tragic circumstances is truly amazing.

I have shared a bit in the past, but I definitely believe that Kruex's life had meaning, but I very much share in the faith that his death was my gift to be given to God.  However, I'm not sure I have shared the fact that prior to Kruex's death, I really had never felt any kind of connection to God or to faith of any kind.  I was raised Catholic and just never really felt like there was any "fit" between the teachings and what I had always kind of intuitively believed.  Shortly after I lost Kruex, I seemed to "find" my faith.  I never felt that Kruex was taken from me out of spite or hate, but I did often wonder why I was chosen to carry this burden.  I believe it is because I can.  Because I do have it in me to honor him in the way he deserves.  There is never a day that goes by that I am not praying to be with him again, but I accept that it will happen according to His plan.  Plus, I honestly believe he is in the best possible place.  

So, read about that amazing woman and please pray for strength for the family.  I can only know from my own experience a year ago how she is suffering right now, but I can never dare put myself into her shoes.  Her loss was so completely different from my own.  I do know that in this time, through all the events of the last 4 months, she has counted on her faith more than she has ever had to in her life, and I figure our prayers could only help.

Ink Me Up, Baby

Today's workout was another killer.  7 different exercises; squats, chest presses, pull-ups, sit-ups, planks, lunges and finally rowing.  Each one a total of 4 minutes - working 20 seconds and resting 10.  Sounds like cake, right?  Yeah, that's what I thought, too.  My arms, especially, are toast.  Tomorrow I may try to get in a run after work, but over lunch I'm shopping kids.  Time to get the kids' Easter goodies all figured out!   Plus, it's just been a really long time since I have been shopping and I'm itching!

So it seems like I may be able to get my tattoo in time for Kruex's death anniversary after all!  I'm really excited for this and think it will help me through the day so much better.  Over the last year and through the big dates that have come and gone, I have found that I am much better with a plan, and especially treating these times as celebrations instead of days of mourning.  So, last night, as I was trying to go to sleep, I decided we are having a party on the 29th.  Not sure how the weather will be, but grilling out would be awesome, but nonetheless, my friends and family are definitely necessary to celebrate the day.  

I have also been thinking of getting a couple of tattoos since he passed, but so far haven't had any luck getting ahold of the guy I wanted to do them.  The first I want to get done is just his footprints and name.  Pretty simple, but very important to me.  I have been pretty set that this tattoo would be on the back of my neck since I decided on it, but now tonight as soon as I hung up with my brother (who found a new guy that he wants to go to), I can't decided between the back of my neck, or over my heart.  

So, the question of the night...where would you get it?  I like the idea on the back of my neck, but I hate the fact that I won't be able to easily see it.  I also love the idea of having it on my chest (this is not a tattoo that I have any intention of keeping hidden - so it wouldn't be on my boob, but actually more over my heart), but worry about just in case I do end up having another baby, could it/would it stretch?  I would hate to have it change at all.  Let me have it.  I want to hear it all!

Choices

You are all seriously too kind.  I'm so touched that I am able to give a little inspiration through my struggles.  That wasn't my intention in posting what I did, but if that is what I have been able to learn and, therefore, pass on, then hopefully it is part of what my evolution process is meant to be in this situation.  Since entering the hospital with Kruex, I have begun to recognize that people are put in our paths for very specific reasons.  Whether for us to help them, or for them to help us, I don't believe there are accidents.  While I am doing my damndest to become a better person, I will be the first to admit that there is a lot of ups and downs.  I am not always as strong as I pretend to be, but sometimes the pretending to be is what helps get me through another day.

Workouts are going well.  Actually, really well.  I love the tri-weekly ass-beatings I have been getting.  I feel so much stronger.  And it feels amazing.  

The strange thing is that I was lazy over the weekend.  I took three days off in a row (which lately is nearly sacreligious) but it would have been so easy to take another off today.  I didn't want to work out and there was a chance that Trainer Boy was going to be gone again today.  When he called this morning to say the workout was on, I was not happy.  After going and finishing another killer workout, I can't help but wonder why it is so easy for me to get lazy like that?  I LOVE it!  I love the way I feel after.  I mostly love the way I feel during.  I even love the attention we have been getting at the gym.  Seriously, there are very few people, especially some of the regular guys, that don't comment and give us some kind of encouragement every time they pass by us as we are working out.  Why would I want to voluntarily stop?  Why is it so easy to just be and not keep pushing harder?  

I have read a few of your blogs (or actually talked to you personally) about getting crabby when training is too heavy.  I know that I am just the opposite.  When I am getting my ass kicked on a regular basis, I am so much easier to be around.  I feel like I have more clarity and I just don't have the energy to fight the stupid shit I normally would.  I KNOW all this about myself, and still, I have no doubt that I would choose to lay on the couch and not move.  I would choose to stay home from work to wallow in grief and sadness.  I KNOW what helps me, and between working out and being around friends, that's really the best medicine.

So, I guess my question for the rest of you is:  If we KNOW what to do, why do we so often CHOOSE not to do it?

Reflections

Time has been flying lately.  It has been such a busy week.  Work, home, everywhere.  The workouts have been kicking butt.  I was even lucky enough to get an outside run in last night with the time change and the slight increase in temperature.  The kids and dog got to go run, too, and had a great time.  I think it was definitely healthy for us all to get out and get some fresh air.  And I, for one, am definitely thankful for daylight savings time, even if it means losing an hour of sleep.

It's been a time of a lot of reflection, also.  Some of you already know that it's getting very close to the one year anniversary of Kruex's death.  It's very hard to imagine that one year ago at this very moment I was sitting in my living room, rocking my baby to sleep.  I can even smell him after his bath, with his clean hair lying in my lap.  I'm sure you can all imagine how horribly I miss him.  How I would give anything for one more day, hour, even minute of rocking him and nursing him to sleep.  

But something I never could have imagined was how I would feel one year later.  I had an appointment with my therapist (shrink :P) this morning and, as she will do from time to time, she asked me to rate how I'm feeling on a scale of 1 - 10.  Surprisingly (and frighteningly considering how close I am to this anniversary), I answered that I was probably somewhere between a 7 and an 8.  I don't, and never have, felt like Kruex was taken from me as a punishment.  I honestly don't believe that God is cruel in that way.  I think He has a much better sense of humor than that and would prefer to make it more interesting than just completely breaking people in one fell swoop.  If I had to guess, I would say that, if anything, my relationship with Payton and Kruex's father was probably the pay-back for past regressions, not Kruex's death.  

I know that I have talked to some of you about this, but I believe our lives are a series of lessons.  Lessons we have to learn before we are allowed to move on.  I also fully believe that we keep repeating the same lessons over and over in subsequent lives until we finally grasp the meaning of what we have been through, a higher knowledge if you will.  And it is my full intention that if Kruex's death was meant to be a lesson for me in this life, I fully intend to learn it and will not risk going through this again.  Because honestly, I don't think I could survive the loss a second time.  And there is nothing for my other kids to gain by watching me fall apart.

Kruex's loss has changed my view of death, but it has also changed view of life.  And I think that is the most important part of this lesson.  I have a lot more compassion for people now than I ever could have before.  Not the ones who obviously deserve it, but the bitter, angry, even hateful people.  From the bottom of my soul, I am just really sorry that they can't understand the lessons that life is handing them and learn from them.  It pains me to watch people let their lives slip away because they feel they are "owed" something.  We are owed nothing in this life.  Everything that we want, or get has to be earned.  It is also my belief that nothing worth having is anything that money can buy.  I would prefer to have children that are healthy and happy.   Ones who had a childhood filled with memories, as opposed to filled with things.  It was certainly my dream and desire to have three children with those memories, but apparently that isn't what God had planned for me/us and that is something I have to learn to live with.

There is much more peace to be gained from seeing the metaphoric silver lining than there is to focusing on the thunder cloud.

I'll Take New Biceps, Please

Well, I told the truth.  I told him that I tried to do it on Sunday, but it was just BAD!  LOL  He was fine with it, but I can't tell if the last two days' workouts were hell on wheels because of that or because of the fact that he had to give up sleep Tuesday morning just to come for our training session :X

Yesterday's workout was insane.  Pull-ups, dips, lunges with weights, squats with a barbell and sit-ups.  Today's was out-and-out crazy though.  Our arms were wasted after yesterday and today he had us do 5 jumping pull-ups, 10 MAN push-ups! and 15 squats.  As he called it, simple, but not easy :P  We had to do it as many times as we could in 20 minutes.  We got 10 sets in and were just about to die!  

I've gotta say though...we are definitely getting our money's worth.  But it feels like we are really getting spoiled, too.  Trainer-Boy is heading to Chicago the first of May.  We have already set up workouts until he leaves, but once he does I don't think we will be able to find another trainer as intense as he has been.  I suppose we can just keep redoing his workouts and try to keep up the intensity alone.  

Hope everyone is having a great week.  The rest of mine is looking like it is set up well and I'm excited!  Hope nobody goes and changes my plans again this week ;)

You Win Some and You Lose Some

Thanks for all your wonderful comments on my last post!  I am obviously not overly concerned about Trainer-Boy being angry with me considering I didn't finish my homework like I was supposed to :P

Row 4000 meters - check

Run a timed 5k - nope

In my defense, I do have to add that on top of the rowing Friday, we threw in 60 push-ups, 45 sit-ups on the incline bench and 40 knee raise things.  Then on Saturday I had a kick-ass Body Attack class and threw a couple of miles around the track on afterwards.  I really tried to get that 5k yesterday afternoon, as the weather was GORGEOUS, but it just felt awful and I threw in the towel after 2.5 craptastic miles around the track at the school.  Could I have finished the 5k?  Sure.  Would I have turned in my time?  Absolutely, positively NOT!  LOL  It was that bad :X  I also had every plan to go run it today over my lunch hour, but ended up talking myself/getting talked out of it.  I haven't had a day off since last Tuesday and if I ran today, my next option for a rest day would have been Thursday.  That, combined with the fact that I want to also do Body Attack tomorrow night, after training with Rich over lunch, ended up making my decision for me.  I'm a selfish biatch...I would rather have the 600 cals burned from doing Body Attack compared to the 300ish cals that 5k would have given me :P

So, here is my next dilemna...do I just tell Rich I didn't do it, or just give him a number that I know I'm capable of?  It's not like we hired him to get us to be faster runners (although I am hopeful that will be a side effect of all this training), so really do I care that much?  Oh, and I do fully intend to run that 5k on Thursday, instead of taking it as a rest day.

Let me know what you think!

Pity Party Anyone?

Seriously, what is my damn problem?  Whatever, I know what my problem is, but the question is - When will I start figuring it out sooner so I can stop throwing these stupid temper tantrums and getting attitude with people who really don't deserve it?

I owe Rich, the trainer, an apology and I feel awful about it.

As I've said, we train with him on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, but this weekend he is going skiing in Utah, so we moved the Friday to Thursday (today) and Monday's will be pushed to Tuesday.  No big deal.  I was actually really excited because I was looking forward to getting in a nice easy run tomorrow, just stretch out my legs, feel good, you know the kind.  And then Saturday * the plan was a Back-to-Abs class followed by Body Attack.  Hopefully, a longer run on Sunday*, since the weather is supposed to be high 40s/low 50s, and then decide what I feel like doing on Monday.  I was really excited about it and just felt good and happy.

Then today's workout happened.  It started with him telling us that we would be running today.  This did not make me happy.  I really want nice, relaxed legs for tomorrow's run.  I wanted it to feel good and I know after a workout that involves running, they are going to feel like ass and I am not going to have that relaxing run that I was looking forward to.  For some reason, that pissed me off.  More than a little bit.  I was actually surprised at how angry I was by it, but by the end of the workout, I felt that I had gotten myself back under control and had done pretty well stepping away from crazy :P

Then.  He tells us he has homework for us.  He wants us to run a timed 5k** and also do a timed 4000 meters on the rower.  I actually signed my paper and walked away, down to the lockerroom to change.  I was ready to spit nails!  And I wholeheartedly agree that this is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY for me to be acting this way.  The entire time I was changing back into my work clothes, I was trying to figure out what the hell my problem was and why I was behaving like my 4 year old.  I think I finally did get it.  I fell out of control.  With everything lately.  I am 1 month away from the 1 year anniversary of Kruex's death and it's starting.  I had a great plan all set up and ready and in my warped brain, he took that away from me.  And it made me so angry.

I do normally try to roll with the punches and am usually moderately successful, but today was just not one of those days.  And it's not fair that my anger had to be directed at Trainer-Boy***.  It's not his fault and he doesn't know any better.

*weekends are always up in the air because of the kids.  I can only get long runs in if I can find a place for them to go and the gym is even harder on weekends when Jack goes to his dad's because Payton won't go to the gym alone (and I wouldn't either :X)

**if I decide to stop being a big whiny baby, I could actually be looking at this as a great opportunity to get a SY5K time in for Vanilla

***maybe I should get him something that says "Sorry.  I swear I'm not a total bitch." :P  What do you get for a trainer?  A tiger tail...can of protein powder?  :P

That Darn Biggest Loser

OMGOSH!  I really don't think this show should make me cry every week (which it does), but I am pretty darn confident that it shouldn't lead to weeping and sobbing :P  This week was such a moving elimination.  I truly don't think I have ever heard any human being talk about another in a way as touching as how Jay described his relationship with Mark on Tuesday night.  I think, for me, the part that was the best was when Jay said that his brother had always been his hero and he had looked up to him his whole life, but since going to the Biggest Loser Ranch, he has also become his best friend.  If those men hadn't even lost a pound, that connection put them as the Biggest Winners in my book.  The kids and I talked about it afterward and I tried to explain to Jack that if his siblings could say those types of things about him, then he was definitely a great brother.  

Now, onto Evil Rich...today's workout was brutal.  Here's a breakdown and I'm sure for most of you it would be a walk in the park, but he kicked my hiney all over the place:

20 jumping pull-ups

30 deadlifts

40 box jumps

50 sit-ups

60 thrusters

70 swinging dumbbell thingies :P

80 push-ups

The push-ups were definitely brutal, but the sit-ups are what I was the most proud of today.  Seriously, 2 weeks ago, I couldn't even do 15 in a row and I did all 50 full on sit-ups!  He had even told me before we started to just do as many as I could get through and then finish it up with crunches.  Obviously, I was not the only one worried about getting through them :P   The box jump was another one that was really scary to me before we started.  I have a huge fear of falling and I don't know what my issue is.  But rest assured, I got 'em done and didn't hit the ground once ;)

Rich is gone Friday, so our workout got rescheduled to tomorrow.  Hopefully, I will be able to get a run in on Friday, too, since I feel like I'm getting a long weekend!  LOL

Introducing...

Miss Tootsie Jo!  

This picture was taken the weekend we got her, but other than maybe filling out a bit (which you can't really tell because of all the hair) she still looks the same.  The kids are still loving her.  Not so much the cleaning up after her, since apparently being completed babied and being let go to the bathroom on a pad in the kitchen is not really up her alley and she prefers to still pee and crap all over the place :P  But they love to tear through the house getting her to chase after them and she even is into snuggling with Payton.  I don't really get that since Payton is about as warm and fuzzy as the Ice Queen from Narnia, but whateva ;)

On the workout front, things are going well.  I had to miss last Friday and Saturday's workouts since I was hit with a nasty stomach bug.  Both of my kids have already had it so hopefully we are free and clear of all other nasties.  We had a great workout today with *Jillian*...3500 meters on the rowing machine with 105 thrusters sprinkled in there.  It was intense.  I do find that I have a lot more stamina on the rower than I do running and those thrusters are one of my favorites (and unfortunately Kathy's least favorites) and we seem to do them more often than anything else.  Well, those and squats :P  Our boy is leaving for a long weekend so this week we are getting him MWTH and then TWF of next week.  It may actually work out pretty well so that I can get a run in here or there since they have been getting the shaft between the trainer and Body Attacks.  

Hope everyone is doing well.  I am trying my darndest to keep up on blogs and will get better now that I have a better handle on this computer!  

Finally!

I got my new Macbook and she's so pretty!  Now, hopefully, it will be easier to get on at night and I'll do a much better job on my commenting.  We haven't done any work with the PT since Monday when Kathy hurt herself.  She finally went to a doc on Thursday and he gave her a muscle relaxer so we should be back in business on Monday.  I have to admit it has been nice to take a couple of days off and get stuff done.  Scott is just about done with basketball and once that's over life will get a lot less busy.  Jack had 18 points at his basketball game yesterday afternoon!   He is really getting a lot better this year.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend and enjoying their Sunday afternoon :)

Work Shmerk

This is turning out to be such a busy month and I'm not really sure why. I spent the weekend in Chicago and had a ball. My friend Kathy (workout partner that I work with) and I went up to her son's and spent the day on Saturday with her daughter-in-law - shopping on Michigan Avenue, lunching at The Cheesecake Factory (OMG! That place is awesome!) and then eating dinner at an Italian tapas restaurant. It was my first experience with a tapas restaurant and I just love the whole idea. The food was incredible, so that certainly didn't hurt anything. We ended up at the bar Kathy's son works at and suffice it to say, it was a L.A.T.E. night :X

I almost forgot...sorry I have been sucking on commenting on all your blogs. I promise I'm reading religiously, but they have somehow blocked our ability to comment and I can't make new posts from work anymore either. All these blocked sites are getting old...What do they think I'm there for anyway? :P

The personal trainer is going well. He is killin' us! I have found out that I have ZERO strength in my abdomen. Seriously...situps are downright embarrassing and I jump rope like a mental patient. :X But 3 down...only 17 to go...Oh, Lord :-/ All I know is that if at the end of this I am able to do 30 regular situps in a row and 15 "man" push-ups in a row, he will be my best friend forever. LOL

This week is going to be quite the test. The first week of actually 3 sessions with Rich and Body Attack tomorrow night and Saturday morning. It will be fun to see if I am still concious once we hit Saturday afternoon :P Oh, and my cousin turns 21 on Friday, so that will not be a nice class on Saturday!

Hope everyone has a great week and I will try to get on the commenting!

My Own Personal Jillian

Meet Rich. This is the man that is going to make me scream, cuss and cry for the next 7ish weeks. Hopefully in that same timeframe, he can give me some kickass muscles, a tight ass and bring my waist back to more of what its supposed to look like.

Kathy and I had our first personal trainer session today. It is supposed to focus on the core and she, being the ninny that she is, told him we wanted it to be "military" (I think she meant like bootcamp, but since she calls the "grapevine step" the "grapevine wreath", I'll let her slide ;)).

At this time, I really only have one thing to say...OH.MY.GOD!!! It was the most intense workout I have ever had in my life. The first thing I have done where I actually could not have physically done another thing. Just not happening. He had us circuit training - 4 different exercises - 15 reps of each. We started with deadlifts at 50 pounds; then moved onto "thrusters", which were basically squats with 12-pound dumbbells that you thrust above your head as you are standing; then elbow-to-knee crunches; and finally, pushups. During the 3rd set, I thought I was going to die and Kathy said she almost cried :X

That Son of Satan made us do 5 SETS!!!!!

I am just plain worn out. But I am so excited to be doing this and really, really hope that it makes a huge difference. He did tell us that we did well and that we were going to be strong as hell by the end of this fiasco. Oh, and he said that the exercises he is using for us are the same ones the actors who played in 300 used and that we will never see the same exercise twice, which is good because if we were doing that circuit on Friday, I think Kathy & I would both skip :X

We also did another class of Body Attack last night and it was even rougher than Saturday's class. This instructor was awesome. At least I can feel a little better with the knowledge that I don't have to do that again until Tuesday. Kathy & I are going to Chicago for the weekend for some shopping/partying with her son and his wife. It will be so nice to get to escape for a couple days, but I wish the weather was supposed to be better. I think it is supposed to be a nice balmy zero or something ridiculous like that this weekend :P

Dear Miley Cyrus

You are just adorable! I took my daughter to your movie/concert on Sunday and we had the best time. She sang. She clapped. She shook her tail feather (quite a bit :X) She was crazy about the jeans you wore during part of your concert. And she was extra crazy about the fact that you had the Jonas Brothers with you (I know she's only 4...it's actually quite embarrassing how boy-crazy she already is). I just really wanted you to know how much fun we had and we have come to a decision. Can we adopt you? Just let me know!

Thanks!

Lori & Payton

Sorry, had to get that one out of the way. Payton has been riding my ass all day to ask ;) Had a pretty decent run today. I'm loving the new kicks. They felt pretty darn good, even though I did still have some arch pain, but it was expected. Tomorrow night is another Body Attack class. The plan is to do it on Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings and then Kathy and I are starting ab/core work with a personal trainer on Wednesday. We are going to focus on core with him Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I was a bit concerned with this new schedule because of the lack of time to really be able to fit runs in, but the more I thought about it, the better it probably is. It will give my arch/plantar faciitis more time to heal and I will still be getting killer workouts in. We are going to have 20 sessions with the trainer, which takes us for nearly 7 weeks. Hopefully by the last third of it, the weather will be cooperating a bit more and I'll be able to run occasionally after work at home.

Workout + Hottub = Gratitude

Holy cow. We did Body Attack this morning and it was insane. It was amazing and I loved every sweat-filled minute of it. Afterwards, my arch was killing me so I decided that it was past time for some new running shoes and Jennifer and I went to Running Central. I completely lucked out and the owner was there to help me find the shoes I needed and to talk to me about my arch issues. He thinks I have plantar faciitis and many issues in my calves, probably primarily from the heels I wear to work daily and the crappy shoes I wear other than when running/working out. But when he talked about trigger points, I knew he was one of the good guys, since Bob said the same thing. So, I got myself hooked up with a new pair of Mizuno's and I can't wait to get a run in with them.

Afterwards, the day was crazy. Lunch, basketball (Jack's), cooking for the SuperBowl tomorrow, etc. but finally after it all settled down, Payton and I went to Jennifer's and we hit up the hottub for a while. Oh.My.Gosh! It felt so good and with a few beers was just perfect. We got talking about crap in general and I started thinking and telling her how I believe pain is relative. Actually, I should rephrase...loss is relative. When I lost my grandpa in September it was hard, but okay. I also had a point of reference. That being said....

I got to have my son for 9 months. 8 months at home in perfect health and perfect temperment. The child was sent from God and that is what we got. I thank Him everyday that I was able to spend that much time with such a perfect little human being. And I am so grateful for it. Again, loss is relative...

There are people I am humbled by every day. The Iraqi mothers who watch their children get raped and murdered right before their eyes. Actually, any parent in a war-torn country. Mothers in Africa who have children born with AIDS or other unspeakable illnesses. And most dear to my heart...the mothers who have to lose their dear sons and daughters to the war we are fighting...especially the ones who risk more than one. I can't, for the life of me, imagine how they continue. But, then again, before Kruex died, I never imagined I could either after losing a child. A mother's love and faith is an incredible thing, and I can only hope and strive to do it the honor it deserves.

Born to Run?

During my lunchtime run today, I started wondering about natural talents. Some people seem like they are just born to be runners (*coughcoughMarcy/Davidcoughcough*) and then there are the rest of us :P

Obviously, some people are intellectually gifted, some artistically and then there is physically. I do believe that elite athleticism is inherent, but can you learn to be a fast runner? I played volleyball in high school and was by no means a superstar, but I was decent. I also know that it wasn't natural skill. I didn't just have this amazing vertical jump that made me a spiking maniac, but I did work my ass off and was able to be decent enough to be on the all-conference team, etc.

Now, I do know that if I work hard I can definitely improve my running skills, but I have a lot of doubt that I will ever consider 8 minute miles *my* pace. And honestly, I don't think I even care that much, which is strange, too. Maybe I just figure if I consistently put in the time and training, eventually I will see the results I'm looking for and to this point, I can honestly say I just haven't put in the effort it deserves.

Jack's only hope in life is to play professional baseball. He probably has as much a shot at actually doing that as he does of winning the lottery. But regardless, I hope that he works his little tail off and never gives up. And maybe, just maybe, he can look back at what his mom was able to get out of her non-runner-self and see that it is possible to morph yourself into what you want to be, even if you weren't necessarily born that way.

Randomness

Not much of great importance going on these days, but there are a few things I wanted to share.

• I will post pics of the new pup as soon as I can, which will be shortly after I get my tax return back and I buy my new laptop. 'Cuz right now? My computer is a big piece o' garbage, but it was free and I can't complain too much. I also can't transfer any of the pics off my cameras to it, which is why we have to wait.
• Speaking of Tootsie, I fear that she may have been a cat in a previous life. Maybe that's how it works? They evolve from cats to tiny little sissy dogs and continue to be a larger dog with each subsequent life? Who knows, but the little dope actually climbed the baby gate last night and got out of the bathroom. She then proceeded to get onto the couch, walk along the top and get onto my side tables. Seriously? She shakes like a leaf when I try to get her to walk onto the deck or climb a step, but she can scale a baby gate?
• I made tiramasu for my friend, Kathy's, birthday at work today. The recipe is here and it turned out really well. Actually, I completely suggest trying any of her recipes because I have made quite a few and have yet to find one that isn't just awesome! Plus, with all the pics and, she makes it pretty darn easy to follow along, not to mention she cracks my shit up.

So that's about the extent of my excitement. It has been a bit warmer for the last two days, but there is a dirty rumor that it is supposed to go from the high-40s (which it was this morning) to a windchill of -18 by tomorrow morning. That's just crazy!

Too Cold To Type

This week has been ridiculously cold...Actually, now that I think about it, ever since I got back from Arizona it has been horribly cold, but yesterday? The temperature display in my car actually read "-9". I think that is just cruel and unusual. I honestly don't know why they make them go below zero. I would rather just sit in my imaginary little world and pretend it is *just* zero instead of -9 :P And that's not counting windchill. We hit a lovely -25 with windchill yesterday.

But things are looking good on the horizon. They are calling for 45 by Monday and it is still somewhat light out when I leave work these days, so that gives me some hope. I realize that I live in the wrong state. I am nowhere close to a fan of winter. It makes me sad to see the days get shorter and the cold and snow and ice and sleet? Hate them all. So, the countdown's on to Spring!

Payton's birthday party was great. We had stuffed green pepper soup and baked potato soup. It only seemed appropriate since everyone that walked in was practically a popsicle :P She got great gifts, the puppy is by far her fave, but she also got an art easel that she is very pumped about and is constantly sitting at. She even came up with a name for the dog all on her own! Tootsie Jo (Payton's middle name is Jo, too). She is the sweetest little puppy and such a good girl. The only struggle is potty training, but I didn't expect it to be easy. I do have to say that it is much easier to try to train a pup with two kids that constantly take her to the paper to do her bidness. The kids are great with her and I'm not sure at this point that I could have picked a better dog :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I am hoping to get an outside run in since it is supposed to de-ice a bit over the weekend ;)

Birthday Wishes

On Monday, Payton will be turning 4. We are having a party with the family on Sunday and many have called or emailed asking what she is wanting for her birthday. Her reply? "A puppy or a pony. Real one. Please." That's it. No talking her down or into anything else. There are no toys that she feels she needs - no crap, Christmas was less than a month ago :P - and she all of a sudden has decided that clothes are not going to cut it. Lovely. Anyone out there want to hook the poor child up with the pony? Because........

Tomorrow morning we are going to go pick up her puppy! It is a mix between a yorkie and a maltese, or "morkie" as they are sometimes called. The pictures are just darling and the breeder lives just about an hour north of us. I think I am more excited than she will be. I am seriously beside myself to see her face when she figures out where we are going tomorrow. Now, if only I can keep my mouth shut for the next roughly 20 hours. I suck at keeping secrets :X

No Run for You!

Think Soup Nazi from Seinfeld ;)

I really wanted to run over lunch today and Kathy wanted to do upper body, so we decided we would hit the track and see how it felt. Not good :( My legs feel great, but my right foot/arch not so much. So half a mile around the track to get our hearts pumping and then onto weights. I'm not terribly disappointed since I know that I need that, too, and I feel pretty good after all is said and done. Hopefully, I can deal with the elliptical tomorrow if I still can't straight out run. At least it will count for the cardio that I need to keep focusing on.

I am still all tingly-feeling from such an awesome weekend and from having such a great time at the race. I am seriously digging to find any races that are near - and even a few that aren't so near ;) - to keep running and training for. Before this one, I really didn't think that I wanted to have races to train for. I just figured I would run for fitness and maybe follow a plan if I felt the need, but not really with anything in sight. Now, I want to do more! LOL I suppose this is how all you crazy nuts got addicted in the first place ;) So, the plan for now is to get a couple more halfs in this year and maybe some 10k or 10 milers, too, and then decide if I feel like I could keep myself from getting too bored during a full. At some point in my life, I would like to run a full just to know that I could and did, but I'm still not sure if that is a distance that would really make me happy :P Maybe if Lisa runs it with me and I can focus all my energy on her instead of myself it would be easier ;)

LOVED IT!!!!! And Shot Blocks are a Gift from God

First of all, I need to send a HUGE Thank You!!! to Lisa for putting up with me all weekend long and letting me invade her life and home. A big thanks to Javadad, too, for putting up with it! She was the best host ever and I completely feel like I have known her my whole life. It was awesome. And to finally, after nearly 4 years, to get to meet Marcy was just awesome! And she really is just as *gangsta* as you would all think ;) LOL

I had such a great time with Lisa, Marcy, David, Mendy and Karen and could have stayed so much longer. They are everything you read, completely amazing people :)

I think I will do a separate post about the weekend in general, but just wanted to talk a bit about the race first.

I was seriously, disgustingly undertained for this run. Last week I went through tons of doubts and by Friday morning I realized that I hadn't even had a run long enough to require me to try any kind of nutrition or even have to drink water :X Needless to say, I was soooooo nervous and had no expectations of any kind....well, maybe not to die on the course :P So, to help allievate most of my major concerns, Lisa and I decided to do a run 5, walk 1 at a pretty easy pace. This helped calm me down so much and I finally just decided that whatever happened, happened. No point in stressing.

Karen got us to the race perfectly Sunday morning. It was seriously timed so well and I don't think things could have gone smoother between the lot we parked in and the shuttle we rode to the start. I felt great, the weather was cool before the start, but it was going to be a great day to run with great friends. The only thing that was not cool were the nasty porta-johns before we started :X We all changed our corrals to 16 so we could be together. Taryn was there with us, too! And people, she is such a sweet girl! I am so glad we found her and got to run with her for a bit. We finally got running roughly 32 minutes after the race officially started.

Once we got underway, I felt great and could not believe how fast 5 minutes had passed. I was all about keeping running, but the overall consensus was to stick to the plan and not burn out too fast. I should add, too, that I had a package of Cliffs shot blocks and some sport beans with me. The sport beans decided to jump out of my pocket about a mile and a half into the race :P But those shot blocks were safe in my hand for the duration. The package recommended taking 3 - 6 an hour, but since I only had about 6 of them, I decided to just use them sparingly. I had one at the start and then waited until maybe mile 4 or 5 to have 2 more. We had a couple of bathroom breaks during the first 4-5 miles that ate up a lot of time, but everyone was doing well. Taryn left us after maybe 2 miles or so. She was feeling awesome and rocking it, so she kept moving to run her own race and Karen fell back somewhere in that mile 4-5, I think (but could be off in my estimation...sorry Karen). She really pushed through some major leg pain and did an awesome job! So, it was Lisa, Mendy, Marcy and I until mile 8.5 or so. At that point Mendy and Marcy needed to use the bathroom again and I knew to get Lisa a PR, she and I really needed to keep moving. So we kept moving and pushed on to get her a PR!!!

Back to the shot blocks. I know I had the last one (or two??) right around mile 9 and I just cannot believe how those suckers kick in! I felt so good those last couple of miles, just wish I would have had a few more ;) Miles 10 - 13 were a bit more rolling than the rest of the race had been and Lisa probably didn't like me very much when I made her keep running, especially at the pace I was forcing her to go :X I think most of the time we were running in those last 5 miles I was pushing her to between 9 and 10 minute mile paces. She is now to refer to me as Jillian from the Biggest Loser. I think most of the people we were running around in those final 2 miles probably thought I was one of the meanest people on the course :X But even as much as she was bonking, she never stopped smiling!

I am so lucky to get to run my first half with such AMAZING people! I am so proud of Lisa for putting up with my bossiness and pushing through even though she would have rather pushed me off the bridge and kept walking ;), so proud of Mendy for pushing through even though she was feeling horrible the entire race and of Karen for fighting through her pain and still getting a PR for herself! YAY!!! Taryn really rocked her race and David and Clay both killed it!

This was an awesome experience and I think I just may be in love with both the distance and definitely with the shot blocks! Would it be wrong to just use them daily for extra boost?? LOL My only complaint two days later is some wicked arch pain in my right foot. I am hoping that it will be gone here soon and then I can just blame it on overuse. New shoes are definitely in the plans soon!

It's Official

I'll be walking 13 miles on Sunday :P

Alright, alright, trying to be positive here...once I get with Lisa, Marcy and Mendy maybe the miles will pass a little easier. Maybe I won't think about how crappy my breathing is, or the fact that my legs are sore. But no matter what happens with the race, I am going for fun. I am going to meet people that I have been waiting over 4 years to meet and I could not be more excited. Or maybe I am about due for a decent run? A girl can dream, right?

So, the plan from now until I leave on Friday is going to be tying up loose ends. I have a bunch of work I need to get off my desk. Mostly busy work and filing, but I will feel much better without it stacked all around me. And I need to get all the laundry done, pack for both kids and try to figure out what in the world I want to take with me. Strangely, I am not in the least concerned about packing for the actual race nearly as much as just what am I going to wear in general! If anyone has any tips or ideas, please let me know. How is the weather down there? And try to remember I am coming from 30-40 degree HIGH temperatures, so if you think 65 is chilly and calls for a sweater (Lisa :P), it probably won't to me ;)

A Hard 3

At least I did it, right? Ugh. I did 3 miles over lunch and until about the last half mile or so, was really fighting each and every bit of it. I am pretty sure that I was finally settling into it at the end, but I needed to get back to work. I have no illusions whatsoever. This half is going to HURT, but I can't wait for all the fun that I am going to have! I cannot believe I am leaving in 3 1/2 days!!! I can't remember the last vacation I had without kids, let alone the last vacation I had that wasn't centered around mourning and grief. I am beyond ready for this :)

There was an area high school student that died this weekend. He was a senior and died in a car accident on his way to his grandma's house to wash her car for Sunday church. His grandma is one of my grandma's best friends and although I didn't know him, I know his family and my brother and cousins new him. From what I can gather, he sounds a lot like my brother and my cousin, Travis. Great kids that are always there to help other people. Honestly, the only other seniors or early 20-something kids that I know who would give up a Saturday afternoon to wash their grandmother's car is my brother and cousin. When they get bored, they go hang out with Grandma. Especially since Grandpa died. They are amazing, as it sounds like this boy was.

There have been quite a few articles in the local paper about him since the accident and as I was reading some of them online today, I noticed that some of the comments weren't very "helpful", we'll say. There were comments from people saying that they are sure he was great, but wondering why so much attention was dedicated to the loss. There were others demanding to know "what happened" and blindly throwing blame on the teen (speeding, not wearing a seatbelt, etc.) and on his parents (perhaps they had him driving a car that was untrustworthy ???). While I have been told by my brother (who knew both the teen and the family) that he was speeding and lost control, does it change anything knowing that? Does it make it an easier loss to bear because he was "responsible" for what happened? Life is such a precious thing and grief is so incredibly hard to bear, especially fresh grief. Do his parents really need to be subjected to reading those types of comments attached to wonderful articles of their son? Do his friends need to be put through that?

I just don't understand who it helps to make those types of comments. I understand it is your "right" to comment in whatever way you desire, but start a blog, bitch to your family and friends, harp on your own children to make wise choices by using this as an example, but PLEASE let this family (and every family that is forced to go through this kind of pain) grieve in peace. Believe me, every thought you could think, they already have. Every question on their parenting that you could come up with, has already crossed their minds a dozen times. They don't need your help feeling like their world is falling apart. Because right now? It is.

Sorry for the rant, but I just really wish that more people would realize that sometimes it takes a bigger person to just close their mouth and keep walking.

She's Not Going to Like Me in the Morning

My poor, poor, poor dear friend (J) did upper body with me today at the gym. While it has been many weeks since I had run last (prior to yesterday - don't forget...back with a vengeance people), I would bet that it has been more like 3 months since I have done any weight training :X. Not.Good.At.All. And it's going to hurt. My friend though? If I were the betting type, I would put money on the fact that my girl has not lifted an actual weight in years. She has been a good little runner girl, but the weight-training part of it has just not appealed to her....Until now.

She made the best decision ever and decided to join the same gym I go to. Now, not only does my coworker (K) go (and she's back at it, too), but I now have another workout partner! Today, K had an appointment so I made a date to do upper body and core work with J. We did a bunch of different stuff and she stuck with pretty low weights, but as soon as I got back to the office, she sent an email that she was already not liking me anymore! And then about an hour later that it hurt to eat her lunch :X

It's a really good thing that my daughter constantly refers to her as "The Best Mom Ever!" or I am not sure if she would talk to me again after she tries to wash her hair tomorrow.......

No More Excuses

As of today, I am officially BACK! Back to running. Back to blogging. Back to life in general. The holidays were hard, no getting around it. But they were good, too. The kids got more than they deserved :P And so did I.

Today's run hurt. Bad. I am in rough cardio shape, which is really no surprise, but my legs feel really good. Also no surprise since they should be pretty fresh by this time :P But, I am going to tough it out and run this half. I have no delusions that it is going to be pretty, or feel good, but I really think I can tough it out. I do want to add that Lisa, Marcy and Mendy....PLEASE do not feel like you have to run with me. I did this to myself and I don't want to ruin your race. I would feel like complete crap if I did :(

But I am just so glad to be back exercising. I feel like I am back among the living and at least I can remember why I started this in the first place. I already have a gym-date tomorrow with my friend Jennifer (she joined the gym last week!) to do some core and upper body, so no fluke, I'm back to stay :)