Thursday, February 28, 2008

Pity Party Anyone?

Seriously, what is my damn problem?  Whatever, I know what my problem is, but the question is - When will I start figuring it out sooner so I can stop throwing these stupid temper tantrums and getting attitude with people who really don't deserve it?

I owe Rich, the trainer, an apology and I feel awful about it.

As I've said, we train with him on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, but this weekend he is going skiing in Utah, so we moved the Friday to Thursday (today) and Monday's will be pushed to Tuesday.  No big deal.  I was actually really excited because I was looking forward to getting in a nice easy run tomorrow, just stretch out my legs, feel good, you know the kind.  And then Saturday * the plan was a Back-to-Abs class followed by Body Attack.  Hopefully, a longer run on Sunday*, since the weather is supposed to be high 40s/low 50s, and then decide what I feel like doing on Monday.  I was really excited about it and just felt good and happy.

Then today's workout happened.  It started with him telling us that we would be running today.  This did not make me happy.  I really want nice, relaxed legs for tomorrow's run.  I wanted it to feel good and I know after a workout that involves running, they are going to feel like ass and I am not going to have that relaxing run that I was looking forward to.  For some reason, that pissed me off.  More than a little bit.  I was actually surprised at how angry I was by it, but by the end of the workout, I felt that I had gotten myself back under control and had done pretty well stepping away from crazy :P

Then.  He tells us he has homework for us.  He wants us to run a timed 5k** and also do a timed 4000 meters on the rower.  I actually signed my paper and walked away, down to the lockerroom to change.  I was ready to spit nails!  And I wholeheartedly agree that this is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY for me to be acting this way.  The entire time I was changing back into my work clothes, I was trying to figure out what the hell my problem was and why I was behaving like my 4 year old.  I think I finally did get it.  I fell out of control.  With everything lately.  I am 1 month away from the 1 year anniversary of Kruex's death and it's starting.  I had a great plan all set up and ready and in my warped brain, he took that away from me.  And it made me so angry.

I do normally try to roll with the punches and am usually moderately successful, but today was just not one of those days.  And it's not fair that my anger had to be directed at Trainer-Boy***.  It's not his fault and he doesn't know any better.

*weekends are always up in the air because of the kids.  I can only get long runs in if I can find a place for them to go and the gym is even harder on weekends when Jack goes to his dad's because Payton won't go to the gym alone (and I wouldn't either :X)

**if I decide to stop being a big whiny baby, I could actually be looking at this as a great opportunity to get a SY5K time in for Vanilla

***maybe I should get him something that says "Sorry.  I swear I'm not a total bitch." :P  What do you get for a trainer?  A tiger tail...can of protein powder?  :P


Nancy said...

Man, it takes me HOURS to start analyzing and realize I'm overdoing it. You were already asking yourself questions as you changed clothes??? That is amazing. Very self aware. That's seriously very healthy.

I have no idea what you get him. Maybe just an apology, it hit you wrong, you had other issues, not his fault, yada yada yada. Surely the guy has been around women, right? :D

J~Mom said...

Eh, he is your trainer, just tell him on Tuesday that you had a bad day and then let it go.

I have found myself getting really, really upset with Aaron if he comes home from work late when I am sitting there waiting to go for a run. Then if I happen to miss that run you would think someone took away my coffee. It's just so profoundly disappointing to have the schedule changed out from under you. I don't know why it's that way with workouts and not other things. Maybe because we realllly want to do that one thing and we know it's good for us and blah, I don't know.

I am here for you girl!! And while it might be unnecessary to act that way you are human and just have to try to forgive yourself and move on.

Viv said...

An apology is more than enough if you feel badly about it. I am totally with Lisa, you must forgive and move on. I know it nobody needs the tude, but you are stugling with what is looming as any loving Mom would be.Schedules and routines are what keeps us sane during trying times and it was rattled for you, completly understandable for you to get upset. My heart goes out to you Lori.

Marcy said...

I absolutely agree with Lisa AND I'm the same way as her (wow, did I just admit that? :P) I think for me running is one of the only things that involves ME, ME, and only ME so when something interferes with that, I get cranky. So I completely understand.

You know where I am if you EVER need anything, chica :-)

Wes said...

The most important thing in my mind, Lori, is that all of that is absolutely normal, and absolutely OK!! It's great that you are so committed to your fitness and your plans, and equally that you get upset when things get in the way! Next time, try telling the trainer what your plans are for the weekend, and ask him how his stuff can fit into that!?!

Along with everyone else, we will rally around you if you need us to, at ANY TIME.

A l'il something something from my fav band, U2:

"The storms will pass (the storm will pass)
It won't be long now (it won't be long now)
His love will last
His love will last...forever"

jahowie said...

wes give great advice there. Don't let it eat you up. Just apologize and move on. We all have our moments. :-)

Mendy said...

Ahhh.. Lori, don't be so hard on yourself. You're allowed to get that way - we all are. I think a sincere (he'll know you mean it) apology would suffice.

I'm the same way with running. It really has to be part of my plan. If I know I have a run 4 hrs from now, I'm good to go. If it's sprung up on me when I'm not mentally prepared, I get all flustered and don't do well. Plus it could screw the rest of my workout schedule up. So, I get that.

I hope you get in your runs this weekend and let those runs be therapeutic.

big ((hugs))

David said...

You think you're the only grouchy client he ever experienced? Do you even think you're the MOST grouchy client ever? I doubt it, and I'm sure he'd much rather you be a little pissy than to whine about every exercise and give up non-stop. Drop him a note and say sorry for being irritable, but you had planned a long run and he totally messed it up. Then ego-stroke with how he's tough on you two, in a good way, and you can feel your personal limits being stretched and improved.

You're a strong girl, and probably like to be in charge. Hell, you are in charge of everything at home, and shoulder a lot of responsibility. He has upset that balance, so naturally you saw red. And things are approaching a very un-normal time (as if life is normal any more), so it's natural for emotions to run a bit haywire.

Remember, we're here to chat if you need it, too. Give Mendy and I a ring if you want, any time. If we don't answer right away, it probably just means Mendy has gotten me tipsy and is taking advantage of me.

Jess said...

I'm sure trainers have dealt with far worse customers. It's their job to motivate so of coursethey're going to meet resistance.

Marathoner in Training said...

You two will work it out and all will be ok, he as dealt with worse.

prashant said...

absolutely agree with Lisa AND I'm the same way as her
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