Perspective

Today, a fellow blogger wrote about a connecting moment that she had with one of my previous posts. It was a post about irony and how hard it is to realize what we have, or how easy our lives are, until they just aren't anymore. While, I haven't forgotten.....Lord, how could I possibly? She kind of helped to nail it into my head again.

It actually made me realize how much I have actually been thinking about perspective lately. This weekend was the annual Memphis to Peoria St. Jude Run, along with telethon. My friend, I and all our kids went down to the Civic Center to cheer all the runners in. While we were driving the 20 miles to Peoria we were talking about some of the stories of the kids who St. Jude helps. She was telling me the story of a little girl (I think she was around a year) who had a brain tumor and the struggles that her parents went through. She commented to me that she couldn't imagine having to live with those problems. My response was that I wish I could have had that choice. Now, I want to clarify, in no means do I think life would be good or easy to have a child who is that desperately ill. I think it would be stressful and spirit-breaking every step of the way, but you know what? I would have another minute, or hour, or day, or week with my baby. To get to hold him in my arms...I would take absolutely anything I could get.

Toward the end of our week in the PICU, after the 7th surgery, I was told that should Kruex respond, he would have no small bowel at all. The only chance he would have would be a transplant and those types of transplants were neither common, nor all too successful. I looked hard at what the rest of my life would look like and it was absolutely fine with me. I was staring down the barrell of a gun and to have to take the shot in the side of my face instead of my forehead was just fine with me.

Right then and there, in my car on my way to Peoria with my best friend, I realized just how much my perspective has changed over the past 4 months. Believe me, my older two still frustrate me to no end. I still wish they could just stop fighting, stop arguing, stop with the dirty looks and I yell and scream and pull my hair out...but I DO remember to thank God every day that I still have them here to yell at. And I also try to remember to thank Him for every day that I get to be here, too.

With all that said, I heard a song today that really struck a chord. I am a *sometimes* country music fan and my new cubemate listens to it, so I have found myself more drawn to it lately than I have been for quite a while. There is a new Carrie Underwood song out and while the entire song is applicable, this part really drove it home for me:

So easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
And swallows you whole
While you sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
Better make it count, cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

So, maybe it is because of Krista's post, or David's recent accident...but I guess the message for the night is to just appreciate. Appreciate what you DO have because it really can be taken away at any moment. I am certain that at the end of our lives we will not be judged on how much we were able to accomplish in this lifetime, but by how kind and loving we were along the way.