My grandparents' 60th anniversary party is on Sunday. 60 years. Wow. Sure seems like a long time, don't you think? Also kind of puts into perspective something that has been bothering me quite a bit lately. I only got 9 months. It just seems like the blink of an eye to me. I know it is silly and would/could never happen, but I have had this overwhelming fear of forgetting Kruex lately. Not even just the normal, what he looked like, or felt like, or smelled like, but completely forgetting he was ever here. I would guess it is probably a common fear (or I am seriously losing my mind, which is always a possibility), but it still seems like a dumb thing to be scared of.
So, back to the party. It is really just going to church with them in the morning and then lunch afterwards...pretty much just the immediate family and grandma and grandpa's siblings/spouses. There is some tension with one part of this family. My mom's brother's wife and pretty much all of their kids :P My oldest cousin in that family and his wife actually have a baby that is 8 days older than what Kruex would be. It makes me nervous to see them, to see the baby. But one thing I did decide last night during some *deep* thinking :P is that I really have to forgive these people, my family, so that if, God forbid, something did happen to one of them, Kruex can meet them when they cross without worrying about my anger towards them. I want them to play with my baby. I want the boys to play catch with him and shoot hoops and I want the girls to just hold him and love him. I am sure this sounds crazy and in the grand scheme of things probably really has no bearing anyway, or maybe it is me reverting to that histrionic behavior of making it all about me, but I just feel like if I can let go of my grudges then it surely couldn't hurt anyone else, right?
The verdict seems to be in on the home computer - I think I am pretty much S.O.L. My buddy who knows more than I do (which is not hard in the world of computers) thinks he will be able to get my pics off of it, but probably no way to bring her back to life other than that, which I can live with. I also already have a free replacement from a friend's work. So heck yeah for that!
After much back and forth this morning, we have decided to take the day off today. It will be the first for the week and I like to think I deserve it ;) Gotta get a run in tomorrow though :) Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
14 comments:
60 years is just awesome!! Congrats to them!!
I think letting go of grudges is such a great idea. It's so hard with family though. I am learning to do that each day at a time.
You are doing awesome, Lori!!
60 years is very cool!
I don't think there is any chance you are going to forget about Kruex, but I'm sure your focus will be on you and your other children...and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't worry, you will get to see Kruex again.
That photo is a bit risqué for blog land, isn't it? :)
Gosh, I think you're just amazing Lori. And Chad is right, you'll never forget Kreux.
I also like the idea of dropping the grudges, it never hurts.
Really, you're amazing.
Hey chicka...I LOVE LOVE LOVE the pic of your grandparents!!! IS that your moms parents? CUTIE PIES!~!!!
I'm POSITIVE you will never ever forget precious Kruex...however short the time he was here with us his impression upon us and our lives is NEVER ending!
Here's to a peaceful visit with the family.
And well, heave hoe with the computer...that trash is about as worthless as the original owner :-X
(not you)
Enjoy your day off..and the long weekend !
60 years is a very long time! Congrats to them!
Hope you have a great weekend. Congrats to 60 years.
60 years is amazing!! Congrats to them.
Hope you had a good run.
You will not ever forget. What I would expect to happen is that over time it will all be woven into your life, so that it becomes a part of it. Like a scar, you sometimes can't feel it if you run your fingers over it. But if you look, it's there. And it's always a part of you, and you always know it's there.
He changed your life twice, but he is always part of your life. He lives with you, in your heart and your memories and your thoughts. Acceptance takes a long time, but smooths the edges. Hang in there.
I think I understand your fear, but, like everyone else, including yourself, I think its unfounded. You won't forget.
Its wonderful about your grandparents. I hope you enjoy the celebration.
Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. With all that you've overcome, I don't doubt you have the strength to forgive when you're ready.
Hope your party went well. Having the memories fade doesn't mean we love someone any less. It's just what happens, and we are OK(!) with that :-) Our minds are so feeble ROFL...
And I certainly wouldn't worry about Kruex meeting up with your relatives. Let him form is own opinion... Who knows, he may think exactly like you :-)
ITA with Lisa and Chad!
Every time I think about Kruex, I get overwhelmingly sad. And I never even got the chance to meet him. I guess having Matty, who is just a few months older than Kruex, makes it hit home for me, KWIM? I always think "how would I ever carry on if something happened to either of my babies?"
I don't know the answer, but I know you can continue to heal while keeping Kruex alive in your memories. I don't know if you've done anything like this, but have you thought about planting a tree in his honor? Or creating a small garden?
((BIG HUGS)) to you, Lori.
Oh, and I hope the party went well!
Wow! 60 yrs is a long time and they look so very happy! Congratulations!!!
You won't ever forget sweet Kruex. Like others said, you have yourself and your other children to care for. But, he will never be far from your thoughts! I'm sure.
Forgiving is so strong and I commend you for doing so.
Wow, 60 years! Congrats to your Grandparents! Family tension is tough, but it's great that you want to drop the grudges. Sorry to hear about your computer.
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