Work, Weights & Wheels

It has been one crazy busy day! Work was a madhouse...I don't know what I have told them, but apparently they think I am there to do things other than surf the net :P Nah, actually it was kind of nice to be so busy today, makes time go much faster. Another upper body workout at the gym over lunch followed by an awesome protein smoothie. Followed with a full afternoon of *gasp* work! LOL

I was beat when I picked the kids up and got home, but I needed my mom to keep the kids tonight and tomorrow since I have to be back at the job at 7 a.m. So, threw food towards them, packed bags and back in the car to go to grama's house ;) I decided while I was there that I was going to get my bike in my car one way or another and that I did. So, as soon as I got home, I yanked the kid seat off the back (because really...I like to pretend that I am too cool for that :P) and figured it was now or never. It was moment of truth time, ladies and gentlemen...

Can she still ride a bike?

Will the pedals even turn anymore?

Will she be found hours from now laying in a ditch crying?

No, yes and no. Miracle of miracles, I was able to ride the bike and even turn corners! lol The pedals did turn, but not happily. That poor old guy is hurting...almost as much as the actual poor old guy that I nearly ran over (twice) on the bike/walking trail that I chose to make my maiden voyage on. The brakes squealed so loud that I tried to use them as little as possible...especially whenever people were around. And I know without doubt that it is set up about as wrong for me as it would be for someone 6 inches shorter than me. Just not even close. BUT, that wind blowing in my face was FREAKING AWESOME!!!! I wanna pedal, man! It was a short ride, maybe 5 miles, but I only had about 20 minutes until the sun went down and I knew if I didn't take the opportunity sans children, it may be some time before the chance came around again and I am soooooooo glad I did!

So, to sum it up, I worked my tail off today and am going to drop in bed feeling like it was a good day :)

Fresh Mind = Fresh Body?

I was an exercise slacker this weekend. I could have met a friend at the gym on Sunday, but she was working out at the same time church was and after last week, church just seemed to be a little more important this week. And it helped. A lot. It is just such a comfortable place, which is so strange to me, being raised in the Catholic church. I would have NEVER used the word *comfortable* to describe church growing up. But I think for my mental health, this was the right choice of a facility to visit Sunday.

So, Monday started with a fresh perspective and a fresh start to the fitness plan. I ran last night and finally felt good when I finished! It was such a relief after the last three runs and how bad they have been treating me...lol. Nothing spectacular, just 2 1/2 miles, but they felt good and actually gave me a little glimmer of hope that maybe I am not a nut for thinking I should even be out there running :P

Today is upper body at the gym - way more my idea of fun ;) and I am still trying to figure out how I can fit in Body Pump at the gym that I have heard such awesome reviews about!

Just Do It

Okay, so no secret, this week has sucked...not just a little, a whole big nasty week of suck. So yesterday, my cubemate at work told me in no uncertain terms to bring in my gym clothes because we were going to the gym over lunch. Whether I wanted to or not. Thank God for that woman.

I didn't want to right up until she barked at me over her shoulder that she would meet me there. I wanted to run errands instead. I wanted to go to the bookstore, get pruners for the flower beds and run to Target for some toiletries. Since she was out the door so fast I couldn't respond, I had no choice but to pony up and follow her to the gym. It was such a great workout! We did upper body and by the time I got back to the office an hour and a half later (shhhhh) my arms were just tingling.

So the question of the day is....why do we fight going to the gym/going for that run/going to the pool/or going for a ride when we know once it is over we will not only feel so much better physically, but emotionally as well? I mean, my entire posture changes, along with my mindset. It is just so dumb that I make constant excuses when it is actually the best therapy that I have been able to find!

My goal for the next week is no more arguing. Just do it. I like that. Heh, must be why it made them so much money ;)

Blessing in Disguise?

I did a nice, big, depressing post this morning that Blogger apparently felt you all needed to be sheltered from. Blogger was probably right :P

So, instead you will get this...

Monday night 3.5 miles of pure hell (okay, maybe not the first 1.5, but the last 2 for sure)
Tuesday - I managed to get off the couch and feed my children
Wednesday - I actually made it into the shower and into work. Run on tap for tonight.

So, in a nutshell that is probably all you really needed to know and the amazing vanishing post was good enough to get it off my chest and out of my head.

Nevermind....now they both choose to show up :P

Claustrophobic

The past few days have been rather heavy. It started with another less than stellar run Monday night that actually ended in quite the impressive breakdown. Surprisingly, though, I actually felt pretty good after losing it and sobbing on the track and thought it was just a little *run therapy* and that I needed to get it out of my system. Apparently, I was mistaken. The darkness continued into my sleep Monday night and with the kids being at my mom's overnight, Tuesday work was just not an option.

I suppose there will be many more days like this, but it still feels like it hits me out of the blue, nonetheless. It has been a hard week when I look back at it. There have been 3 deaths, 2 of which were unexpected. When it comes to sorrow and grief I have always felt like a sponge. I tend to sympathize with the pain of others and these days maybe it just gets to be too big for me to handle. The problem is, however, that I don't know how to stop *feeling* everything so intensely. We also had a visit with my grandma and grandpa Monday night and Grandpa just doesn't seem to be doing so well lately. It seems silly, but Monday night it seemed to hit much harder just how definite this all is. It's like I never really wrapped my brain around the fact that no matter how well I can keep it together, I won't be rewarded with getting Kruex back.

This has always been a problem for me. I have always thought if I were the smartest, or the strongest, or just worked the hardest and did my best, that everything would turn out fine. It has been a hard pill for me to swallow that some things are just out of my control. I think I need to get back to church. It has been a few weeks and I feel like I need to reconnect so that I can put this back in the hands of a Higher Power. Because, obviously, right now it is just too big for me to hold without feeling like the walls are closing in.

The Small Things

It ended up being a nice weekend. Payton and I had a little girls' day on Saturday since Jack went to Wisconsin for the weekend with his dad. "We" got haircuts and did some major damage to the bank account. I can't believe how old she acts. Of course, she had to try her clothes on in the fitting room, too. We walked in so I could try on jeans and she had stripped down almost before I could get the door closed! LOL Then we hit the shoe store and it is evident that this girl is going to be just as dangerous around shoes as her mother ;) It must have been a long time since I have taken her shopping for shoes in a store that doesn't just stock every size on the floor because when I asked her which shoes she liked, she was very confused and kept holding them up to the bottom of her sandals asking whether or not they were her size! But we left the mall with two new pairs of kicks each and a couple bags full of clothes. I don't remember the last time I bought clothes for myself that weren't more suitable for the gym or the track than public!

Sunday night we had my mom and brother over and cooked on the grill. Then everyone joined in some backyard baseball with the neighborhood kids. It was good times had by all.

I worked through my lunch today, but have felt really distracted and distant all day. I don't know if it is just work in general, but it seems like I don't find a lot of motivation to be very productive. I mean, sure, I have gotten everything done that I have been asked to do, but I sure haven't been going over and above what is asked. I just don't feel like doing the small, routine things that really need to be done. Maybe tomorrow.

Tonight will be a run and hopefully it can't be any worse than Friday's! I have already decided no hills and no stroller. I'd rather hit the track and the kids can play off to the side to avoid a repeat of that stellar performance :P

Some runs just bite

And tonight's was a doozie, ladies and gentlemen :-X

I don't know if it was the fact that I had not eaten dinner yet, that I decided to go run on the bike trail that has some not fun hills, or that I was pushing the jogging stroller from hell that refuses to turn :P Actually, I am sure it was a combination of all three. I knew a mile into it that I didn't want to be running, but Payton and I held in there for 2.5. And that is just going to have to be enough for tonight. I suppose I can think that it is better than none at all, eh?