Friday, September 28, 2007

Pretending

This has just been a tough week. Period. Sunday is *6 months* and while I knew it would be hard, I had no idea just how hard it was going to be. The last 3 days have not been great and I doubt the next two (at least) will be much better. So, pretty much, this is an "I'm sorry my blogging sucks" post.

I don't know if any of you watched Ugly Betty last night, but the ending just broke my heart. Betty's sister's fiance was shot at the end of last season and during the whole episode it showed Hilda and Santo in her bedroom, basically her keeping him in bed under lock and key to keep him safe after being shot. Everything was white and light in the room, they talked about their upcoming marriage, she showed him her dress, he showed her his vows. It was all very touching and the whole point was that she was keeping them both "safe" so nothing bad happened again. In the final scene, Betty knocked on the door and entered the room to ask if Hilda wanted to come help make dinner. Hilda was alone in a dark room in bed and told Betty that "he isn't coming back" and admitted that was the first time she has said as much out loud.

From the previous few days that I have had, that was all I needed. The flood gates opened and it just made me realize what I would give to be able to just "pretend" it all away. I wish I could just lock myself in my room, hide under the covers and spend everyday with my baby. But I can't. And I do know that. And I will feel better again. Just maybe not today. And maybe not tomorrow. But it will be soon. Because whether I want to or not, I have to.

14 comments:

ws said...

I know that my words would be meaningless in this situation.

Remember you aren't alone and like people have told me before, sometimes posts are downers, it happens. life happens, unfortunately.

I hope you feel better soon.

David said...

Keep talking to us, and keep getting things out in the open. That day will come.

And cry hard.

J~Mom said...

I wish I could ease your pain if even for a day. (((HUGS)))

Pokey said...

No one should have to go through this the way you are.

I know you dont *know* me, but as a mom, my heart goes out to you.

And a good cry can do wonders for the soul. HUGS.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you but I feel for you - sending you a HUGE HUG

Jess said...

I'm sorry you were feeling so terrible, but you're right, eventually you'll feel better. In the meantime, you should grieve. It's natural and healthy to allow yourself to do so.

Wes said...

You are a beautiful woman, in more ways than one...

jahowie said...

I hope that you feel better soon. Until then we will all continue to listen and do whatever we can to help. You are not alone.

Mendy said...

I have no idea what to say, but am very glad you're talking to us. Keep on doing it. We are all here for you and will continue to be here.

Many ((hugs)) and prayers your way.

Marcy said...

(((HUGS))) chica. I'm so sorry I'm late on this one. For some reason I must've unhighlighted it on Bloglines or something (who cares, totally trivial at this point in time.

I hope today is better :-) Keep it coming with the talk (but only if you want too) We love ya chica!

Larissa said...

I can't even imagine. I hope you do feel better soon - you certainly deserve to be happy and at peace.

Sending prayers and wishes for healing your way.

David said...

Thinking about you, Lori. Hang in there.

Mendy said...

We Miss you! Hope you're okay. Thinking of you.

Laurel said...

You are allowed to be sad. Don't worry. We will be here. Take your time :)