She's 3. And she is already so many things. She is 50% theatre and 50% nurturing. My dream for her is that she will find a stage and make it her own and then settle down and have 12 kids. I truly think she will need both of those things to be complete in life. Her imagination and antics are limitless, as is her compassion and nurturing capabilities. Most days she stresses me to no end. The little darling, I just want to throttle her.
But then, there are nights like tonight. Nights when she sobs for her little brother like nobody's business. You have to understand, even at 3, she loves the babies at the sitter's more than life itself. And her brother was HER baby. Her sole mission in life was to take care of him. To make him laugh and to keep him happy when it was asked of her, and believe me, as a single mom of three, unfortunately, it was asked. She not only rose to the occasion, she excelled. That little boy loved her. And her other brother as well. He beamed when he saw those two and life was good.
I remember after having Payton. Jack was 4, almost 5. I went outside for just a minute to talk on the phone and left Jack "in charge" of her. I could see them through the window and I was almost brought to my knees by the tenderness with which he treated her. With Kruex, multiply that feeling by 100. I had two kids that would do nothing less than love and protect their little brother. The feeling was just priceless.
So, while I understand that I have to suffer this loss, and I even understand that I have to get my other kids through it. Nights like tonight kill me. I don't know what part of the bargain this falls under. I lost one. I have to go through that and I accept it. Why do I have to watch my darling daughter grieve it too? She is *supposed* to be too young to hurt this much. She is *supposed* to get past it.
But she isn't.
And I'm not either.
And how do I explain to work that I have to come in late because Payton wants to go to the cemetary when we wake up?
16 comments:
Payton will never forget her baby brother. And she shouldn't have to. It is so sad that her brother died so young, but his memory will live on with her and Jack forever.
I know what you mean about the tenderness between siblings. I know it makes me melt when Kara loves on Matty. She really loves him, even if she acts mean to him sometimes, also.
((HUGS)) to you, Payton and Jack!
(((HUGS))) It's amazing how much they "know" even though they are so young. I can't imagine how tough this must be for her. I remember months and months before (I think like Christmas time last year), you talking about getting Peyton baby dolls to play with and I was like "huh? she likes to take play with dolls?!? Keira would just throw them around like a football" Even at that age she's been so nurturing.
Is it wrong that I totally want her bangs?!
Seriously though, she looks like a cutie!
This will all be a definite part of what makes her a wonderful person.
Tell'em just like that... It should be enough for anybody...
I love that picture!! What a beautiful story about Miss P's tender heart. She is an amazing little girl, just like her mommy. :>)
Lori said: My dream for her is that she will find a stage and make it her own and then settle down and have 12 kids.
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Ummm please tell me you met 2 kids right, not 12 :-)
No way you slice it ur loss is tough & pulls on hearts... You hear people say it just takes time, yes that's true but the bottom line is it's hard, you both deal with it as best you can and ur saving grace is he is in awesome joyful place !!!
Thank u for sharing these moments with us and good for you to get it out of ur head.
PS LOVE the Pic...such a cutie!
Payton is adorable! and sounds like she has sooo much compassion in her heart. She's really blessed! and so are you.
((hugs)) too....
I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like for you to go through this, but for you to have to watch your children grieve too. wow. It always hurts us to see our kids we Love so much go through any kind of pain whether it be a paper cut or a scrape on the knee, but none of that compares to watching Payton so hurt like she was.
Thoughts and prayers are with you, Payton, and Jack.
Payton and Jack need you as much as you need them...you're all helping each other. God Bless you all:)
she is ADORABLE...
I can't fully comprehend the magnitude of the situation, but it is obviously very tough. I hope work was understanding...
she is a cutie, that's for sure. after 12 kids she might not be as cute, though...
and hopefully that is something your work would understand, especially with the age that j and p are at.
Oh, what a post. I don't even know what to say...but Payton is just beautiful.
Lori, that is such a sweet but heart wrenching account at the same time. It is apparent to me that both of you will be there for each other through the years. In time, she will need some explanation, and you will need someone to lean on, and there will be a balance. Until then, for times when you need an adult, please lean on us. I only wish we were closer so we could be there in person.
Please give one more hug to Payton than seems "enough".
My dearest Lori, my heart aches for you and for your children.
I dont know how you held it together or explained it. I dont know how you do it. I know I could suffer but how do the kids?
These things make my heart ache for you and your dearest children.
Payton is a doll..and a very special soul...she comes by it honestly. She has a great roll model.
I think work will have to understand....they have no choice ;)
Oh, man. Lori, I wish there was a "why" somewhere that made sense, that would be a comfort.
This is true though - you are an awesome mom, you have awesome kids and Kruex is blessed to be part of a family like yours. Being a mom is such a juxtaposition of tenderness and frustration; unbridled joy and gut wrenching grief - and you know those extremes more than most of us could ever even handle. You'll all get through it - because you must and because you can and because you love each other.
And work - if they gave you a hard time about something like that, quit. Screw 'em.
That picture is perfectly timed. She will probably demand it to be taken down when she's a bit older, though...
She is so beautiful!
You are lucky to be blessed with such wonderful, loving children who love and appreciate each other so much.
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