I owe Rich, the trainer, an apology and I feel awful about it.
As I've said, we train with him on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, but this weekend he is going skiing in Utah, so we moved the Friday to Thursday (today) and Monday's will be pushed to Tuesday. No big deal. I was actually really excited because I was looking forward to getting in a nice easy run tomorrow, just stretch out my legs, feel good, you know the kind. And then Saturday * the plan was a Back-to-Abs class followed by Body Attack. Hopefully, a longer run on Sunday*, since the weather is supposed to be high 40s/low 50s, and then decide what I feel like doing on Monday. I was really excited about it and just felt good and happy.
Then today's workout happened. It started with him telling us that we would be running today. This did not make me happy. I really want nice, relaxed legs for tomorrow's run. I wanted it to feel good and I know after a workout that involves running, they are going to feel like ass and I am not going to have that relaxing run that I was looking forward to. For some reason, that pissed me off. More than a little bit. I was actually surprised at how angry I was by it, but by the end of the workout, I felt that I had gotten myself back under control and had done pretty well stepping away from crazy :P
Then. He tells us he has homework for us. He wants us to run a timed 5k** and also do a timed 4000 meters on the rower. I actually signed my paper and walked away, down to the lockerroom to change. I was ready to spit nails! And I wholeheartedly agree that this is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY for me to be acting this way. The entire time I was changing back into my work clothes, I was trying to figure out what the hell my problem was and why I was behaving like my 4 year old. I think I finally did get it. I fell out of control. With everything lately. I am 1 month away from the 1 year anniversary of Kruex's death and it's starting. I had a great plan all set up and ready and in my warped brain, he took that away from me. And it made me so angry.
I do normally try to roll with the punches and am usually moderately successful, but today was just not one of those days. And it's not fair that my anger had to be directed at Trainer-Boy***. It's not his fault and he doesn't know any better.
*weekends are always up in the air because of the kids. I can only get long runs in if I can find a place for them to go and the gym is even harder on weekends when Jack goes to his dad's because Payton won't go to the gym alone (and I wouldn't either :X)
**if I decide to stop being a big whiny baby, I could actually be looking at this as a great opportunity to get a SY5K time in for Vanilla
***maybe I should get him something that says "Sorry. I swear I'm not a total bitch." :P What do you get for a trainer? A tiger tail...can of protein powder? :P